


Sigh No More

by Coloured_Rainbow



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (with each other!!), Assume spoilers up to season like 14, Castiel is Not a Virgin (Supernatural), Castiel/Sam Winchester First Kiss, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Jack being a huge dork, M/M, Michael Possessing Dean Winchester, New Year's Eve, New Years, Slow Burn, because these two deserve happiness, but not really...., it's as much of a slow burn as you can get in 26 pages LOL, just mentioned tho, michael doesn't really come into play here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22797478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coloured_Rainbow/pseuds/Coloured_Rainbow
Summary: Castiel had noted his feelings toward Sam quite some time ago.At first, he thought it was something that would simply go away. Every once in a while, a stray thought about kissing Sam would pop into mind when they embraced, but Castiel figured it was just the human part of him longing for something,anything, after being alone for so long. He only started questioning it when he realized that he didn’t get such thoughts when he hugged Dean, or talked to Rowena, or had a conversation with Mary.Only with Sam.
Relationships: Castiel & Jack Kline, Castiel/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 103
Collections: Supernatural complete





	Sigh No More

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO EXCITED TO FINALLY SHARE THIS WITH YOU ALL!!!!!!  
> I know it's not too long, but writing and finishing this was a big feat for me! Big big thank you to my main beta @nutcase2003 on Tumblr for reading through this is multiple times and giving me very good advice! @theladyofsupernatural also had a look over the first half and gave some really awesome tips. Couldn't have done this without you guys :)  
> I'm actually super proud of how this turned out and really hope you guys enjoy it. Sastiel is such a pure ship that brings me so much joy, and I'm really glad to finally give my contribution.  
> Also, the song in the title is Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons. I found it in a super awesome Sastiel playlist by jackalope on Spotify!! This was a HUGE inspo for this story, so make sure to check that out as well.
> 
> Last but not least, don't be shy to talk to me @angel-flavoured-demon on Tumblr!! I love to talk about Supernatural and would love to hear your opinions on how you liked this story!! (Also, hint hint, fanart is 10000% welcome??? don't hesitate ok??)
> 
> Thank you guys, so much. The supernatural fandom is just so amazing ;) Enjoy!!

Despite the chaos of having so many people live in the bunker, Sam would be lying if he said it wasn’t nice. He and Dean had always prided themselves on being very independent with their work, but having a stable system of hunters who check in and go on groups and have proper training was also nice. It was the closest thing Sam would ever have to an actual job and it honestly made him feel a little more welcome in this world. It was easy, some nights, to get lost in fantasy and pretend that he was a manager of his own company--and that’s what it was, really.

Well, only he wasn’t getting paid. 

When Dean was gone and it was just Sam and Mary running the place, it was easy to lose himself in his work. The mission was the same--find Dean and somehow get Michael out of his body--but in the meantime, they still needed to work. They still needed to save people. Sam’s system was efficient and it got things done. He had a goal and he was working hard towards it. Everything was all straightforward business and, in a way, simpler than the way they used to be doing things. 

Now that Dean was back, things were a bit more complicated. 

They’re far too close to each other to keep things professional. Dean always questions his authority, teases him when he lectures a group of hunters before they leave, and overall doesn’t have a respectful bone in his body. 

It’s frustrating, but… it’s Dean. His brother. And he’s damn glad to have him back. 

Sam could tell Dean was proud of him, though. He did mention a few times that his leadership is pretty impressive, but Sam thinks Dean kind of misses being top dog. He loves leading and being the first to set foot on the battlefield. 

Sam doesn’t think he’s quite ready to put Dean in charge of any serious operation anytime soon though, what with Michael still banging on the walls of his mind, so he gave his brother the second best thing that came to mind and put him in charge of planning the New Year’s Eve party. 

He wasn’t sure if it would work at first, but Dean seemed pretty excited. He made a grocery list for Jack and Castiel (mostly consisting of multiple types of alcohol), had Bobby and Mary in charge of delivering invitations, with Maggie on decorations. There was nothing Dean loved more than an excuse to let loose and get drunk, so the whole thing seemed to leave him really happy. 

Right now, Sam was carrying out his own demands from Dean, which consisted mostly of cleaning duty. 

Jerk.

At least this was a good excuse to tidy up and get some laundry done without Dean laughing and calling him a housewife. 

Humming to himself, he gripped a laundry basket in one hand, wandering about different rooms and picking up stray clothes left by all of the hunters. It was usually a lot more cramped in here, but everyone was out getting ready for the party. From what Sam could tell, the whole bunker was mostly empty. 

Ah, he almost forgot! Sam needed more clean towels if he wanted to shower tonight. He figured he should get nice and clean before a night that would probably leave him very dirty and very drunk. An evening planned by Dean can never end up entirely too pleasant. 

Gripping the basket, he trudged over to his room. Might as well throw in some of his clothes, find a good shirt to wear. 

Pressing a palm against his bedroom door, he pushed it open and startled when he was met Castiel standing only a foot away. 

“Woah, Jesus,” he breathed, leaning the basket against his side. “Uh, hey Cas.”

Cas straightened, looking just about as surprised as him. “Hello, Sam. I was just leaving.”

“My… my room? What--are you looking for something?”

“No.” Cas’ eyes trailed down to the basket in Sam’s hand. “How’s the party planning going?”

Clearing his throat, Sam decided it was best to not think about whatever the hell Cas was doing in here. “Uh, yeah, it’s going pretty good. Dean’s got me on cleaning duty, so I’m just doing some laundry.” He paused. “You need me to throw something in? Or, uh, I guess you can just… magic it clean.” 

“Actually, I have a tie that could use a wash. I prefer the smell of the washing machine. Magic tends to leave an... ozone-type smell. Not as pleasant as the fabric softener.”

“Yeah,” Sam chuckled awkwardly. “I’m starting up a load, so whenever you’re ready.”

Cas nodded, bringing up his hands to undo the tie around his neck. “How long will this take? I’ll need it for tonight.” 

“Wait, you’re not gonna change?”

Castiel's hands stilled. “What do you mean?”

Sam shrugged. “It’s just New Year’s. No need to be so formal.” 

“I always wear this outfit.”

“I dunno, man, put on some sweats or something.”

“Well, I don’t exactly have a wardrobe. Or... a designated room, at that." 

“You need to borrow something?” Sam nodded towards his closet. “I mean, it’s mostly flannel and denim, but it’s probably comfier.” He let out a quick laugh. “And I’m sure Dean would get a kick out of you wearing it. You really do only wear, like, one outfit.” 

Castiel hesitated, an unreadable expression passing over his face when he glanced back at Sam’s closet. “Yes,” he decided after a minute. “I would like to borrow something. Not a real Winchester if you don’t at least try flannel, right?” 

Sam smiled, setting down his basket as he walked over to his closet. “Right.” 

He took a minute to filter through some of the shirts that definitely wouldn’t suit Castiel, finally settling on a simple, faded red, yellow, and blue flannel. He also picked out two pairs of jeans that would look good. 

“Ah,” Sam made a face as he handed them over. “Sorry, just realized they might be a… little big. The shirt should fit, but I-I dunno about the pants.”

“I’ll figure something out,” Cas reassured him. “I always do.”

“That’s a familiar line, isn’t it?”

Cas smiled, nodding. “Thank you, Sam.” 

“No problem, man.” 

Watching Castiel leave, Sam sighed and picked his basket back up. 

He’d never understand that guy. After everything they’ve been through together, you think that Cas would be less formal, but Sam guessed that’s just how he is around everyone. He’s a world less stiff compared to when they first met, but there’s a strange wall between them that keeps the two from having a normal conversation. Sam’s always chalked it up to Castiel being awkward, but lately he’s been a little more elusive than usual. 

Maybe he’d bring it up later. The few times he and Castiel have had real talks about lore or angel science or magic were actually really great, and he’d hate for that to go away because of some unresolved conflict he didn’t even know about. 

But that was for later. Right now, it was time to get ready for the party. 

\--------------------

Well that… didn’t go as planned.

Castiel sighed, holding the clothes Sam gave him to his chest as he trudged down the hallway. 

He’d only stepped into Sam’s room for a moment. He’d wanted to talk to him about the party tonight. When he opened the door and Sam wasn’t there, he’d just walked in to look around. He realized that he’d never really seen what Sam kept in his room, and he was curious. 

...And maybe also hoping to get an idea of what Sam liked. 

Castiel had noted his feelings toward Sam quite some time ago. They weren’t so overpowering that he couldn’t work with him as usual, but it was past the point of anything that would simply go away. 

At first, he thought it was something that _would_ simply go away. Every once in a while, a stray thought about kissing Sam would pop into mind when they embraced or had a tender moment, but Castiel figured it was just the human part of him longing for something, anything, after being alone for so long. The thoughts would go as soon as they came and he didn’t think anything of it. He only started questioning it when he realized that he didn’t get such thoughts when he hugged Dean, or talked to Rowena (despite her incessant flirting), or had a conversation with Mary. 

Only with Sam. 

One day, he decided to really think about it. He sat down and let every thought about Sam run free through his mind and was surprised by how many of them were about kissing him and holding him, and running his hands through his hair, and talking softly into his ear, and… you get the point

Since then, Castiel couldn’t shake the thought.

Of course he’d developed a crush on a Winchester of all the people in the world, just to go ahead and make his life all that more complicated. 

Castiel had no plans on telling him, of course. He didn’t want to ruin what they had or make things awkward. Maybe that seemed silly in the scheme of things; the biggest problems in their lives right now were of a cosmic scale and here Castiel was worrying about his feelings being reciprocated. How very human of him. However, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

That was, until now. 

Sam was kind and understanding. He wasn’t someone to let a relationship expire over something like this. They would always be family, no matter what. Sam had reiterated that enough times for it to finally stick with Castiel. 

He just needed to find the right moment to tell him. 

And then came New Year’s Eve. 

He’d overheard Dean talking about who he wanted to kiss when the bell struck twelve. Castiel asked what he meant and Dean explained the whole tradition (in much more graphic detail than Castiel needed, including many anecdotes featuring Dean’s sexcapades). 

It was perfect. Castiel would just have to make sure to be next to Sam when the New Year hit; the problem was that Castiel was anything but smooth, and after the encounter with him in his room, Cas realized this was going to be a lot harder than he anticipated. How he was going to correctly articulate how he felt and execute the kiss at this point was beyond him. 

For now, he guessed he’d start with changing his clothes. 

He slipped into one of the spare guest rooms, softly closing the door behind himself. Castiel’s been here long enough, you think he would have a room, but he didn’t particularly need one. It’s a rare occasion that Castiel sleeps, or changes, or does anything one does in a bedroom, so he didn’t really see the need. 

He slowly undid his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, carefully eyeing the flannel Sam had given him. There was something weirdly exciting about the thought of wearing something that belonged to Sam. 

Castiel slipped his arms into the shirt, closing his eyes as he did the buttons. Only when he finished did he walk over to the mirror above the room’s dresser and look at himself. He let out a soft sigh and fixed the collar. 

It was strange seeing his vessel in something so casual. It reminded him of his days as a human, living on the streets. A long time had passed since Metatron had taken his grace, but the memory still pained him sometimes. It was nice to be dressing like this under different circumstances--simply for comfort and looks, rather than survival. 

Castiel ran his finger tips along his collarbone and softly swallowed as he looked himself over. In a moment of weakness, he grabbed the shirt’s collar and leaned down to press it against his nose. He took in a long breath, relaxing at the familiarity of the scent; the lingering smell of oil and blood and sweat that would never quite be washed away. He closed his eyes and could practically feel himself tightly embracing Sam after battle. The way that they wrapped their arms tightly around each other just to feel that the other was alive. How Castiel buried his face in Sam’s shoulder and took in that wonderful smell that he always carried with him. 

Pulling back from the shirt, Castiel looked up to see a hopeless frown settling on the face of his reflection. 

This was going to be hard. 

\--------------------

“Woo! Yeah! You feel that Sammy?”

Sam flinched at the sound of Dean clapping his hands together as he walked in through the bunker’s front door. 

“Feel what?” Sam turned around and looked up at him. 

“The feeling that this party's gonna be freakin’ awesome.” Dean grinned to himself, happily waltzing down the stairs. 

Sam laughed. “Yeah. I think a lot of people need this--hell, I need this. It’ll be nice to finally kick back our feet for a night.” He paused. “You _are_ gonna be okay, right?”

“Whaddya mean?” 

“I mean,” Sam leaned against the table, “You got Michael up there. Isn’t he still banging around? You said it was hard to keep him in the corner already, and now you wanna risk getting drunk?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I thought about that already. I’m only gonna have a few beers, nothing too much. I’ll drink, but won’t get drunk. ‘Cause man, of course the one time we get to throw a kick-ass party with a buncha hunters, I can’t even get drunk."

Sam smirked. “I dunno. Seems pretty on par with the rest of our lives.” 

Dean huffed in annoyance, folding his arms. He opened his mouth to say something else, but cut himself off at the sight of something behind Sam.

“Hey Cas, what the hell?”

Sam twisted around to follow Dean’s gaze, his jaw dropping at the sight of Castiel. He was wearing the flannel and jeans he gave him, his hair neatly brushed off to the side in a way that made Sam’s heart skip a beat. 

Castiel casually nodded, walking down towards them. “Preparations for the party. Sam recommend that I change into something less formal and lent me some clothes.” 

Dean nodded with approval. “Lookin’ good. Finally blend in with the hunters. You usually look like that dad whose wife wants him to dress up for a dinner party, but you aren’t religious enough to have Sunday clothes so…” He vaguely gestured in Castiel’s direction. “And then she’s like ‘really honey?’ and you’re like ‘I didn’t have time to dry clean the suit’ and all the other mom’s at the party give you weird looks.” 

Castiel glared, slightly in confusion. “I’m not sure whether to thank you or feel insulted.” 

Dean shrugged. “Either way.”

Castiel’s eyes flickered towards Sam and Sam winced at his own audible swallow. 

“Looks good,” Sam managed to choke out, coughing to cover up the small crack in his voice. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was feeling, but seeing Castiel wearing his clothes felt a lot stranger than he thought it would. 

Dean shot him a weird look, but didn’t comment on it. “Really though, you should consider a wardrobe change. Then maybe we’ll get less weird looks on hunts.”

“Those looks are almost always directed at you,” Castiel retorted.

Dean let out a snort. “Definitely not, Mr. Flasher.” 

“Says Mr. Flirts-a-lot,” Sam mumbled. 

Dean glared. “Hey. It works.” 

“So does the jacket,” Castiel said. 

“No it does not.”

“Yes it does.”

“No. It doesn’t.”

“ _Yes,_ it--”

“Okay guys, this could go on forever,” Sam interrupted. “Dean, weren’t you finishing up party stuff?”

“Yeah. I was.” Dean waited a moment before quickly adding, “No it doesn’t!” and bolting out of the room. 

“Yes, it--!” Castiel grunted in frustration when Dean was already gone before he could finish. 

Sam laughed. “I swear, I forget that you guys are full-grown adults sometimes.” 

“He’s very…” Castiel frowned. “Frustrating, sometimes.” 

“That’s Dean for you.”

Sam cleared his throat when an awkward silence fell over the room. 

“So,” Sam said, “excited?”

“For the party?” 

“Yeah, what else?”

Castiel paused before nodding. “Yes. I think so.”

“It’ll be fun. I really think it’ll be good for everyone.”

Sam didn’t know what to make of the expression that flashed over Castiel’s face, but it was gone just as quickly as it came. 

“I’ve heard a lot about human tradition when it comes to the New Year, but have yet to really partake in it myself.”

“You mean, like, resolutions?” Sam asked. 

“Yes. Goals for the New Year.” Castiel cocked his head slightly to the side. “I don’t particularly understand why people wait until the start of a new rotation around the sun to change bad habits, but whatever works, I suppose.”

“Yeah,” Sam chuckled. “Humans need an excuse to do something, or else it’s sorta hard to find the motivation to.”

Castiel seemed to really consider that. “That makes sense.”

“Any ideas, then?”

Castiel sighed. There was a long pause before he simply said ‘No.’

“Me neither. I'm kinda already doing my best."

“You Winchesters always do.” Sam smiled at that and swore that he saw Cas smile back, even if just for a moment. 

Sam pushed himself away from the table, running a hand through his hair. "Well, I'm gonna head out real quick. Need to make a last minute run, so… be back soon."

Castiel nodded, looking right up into Sam's eyes in a way that ran a chill up his spine.

"See you then."

"Right." Sam stepped away, heading towards the stairs. 

He didn't actually have an errand, he just kind of needed out of the bunker for a second to get some fresh air. It was suddenly very hot in here.

\--------------------

Alright. Here we go.

Castiel braced himself as he walked into the living room, now the main party area. There were nearly 30 hunters gathered today, crowding around the couches and the counters, most of them with a drink in hand. It wasn’t as crazy as Cas was expecting, to his surprise and relief, which would hopefully make things tonight go more smoothly. 

Some people called his name and waved to him upon his arrival, complementing his new outfit. He politely nodded back in that charming angel-way of his that left people confused on whether he was being sarcastic or was just replying to cover up that he didn’t hear them properly. 

He looked around to see everyone mingling: Bobby and Mary talking something over with a hunter Castiel recognized as Larry Finch; Jack was conversing with Maggie, both parties looking equally confused about something Jack was saying; and Sam, of course, was talking with Dean. Sam was loosely holding a drink between his fingers, but Dean was surprisingly empty-handed. 

Castiel gathered up his courage and walked over to them. 

Or at least he started to before Jack was suddenly beside him, holding an arm out across Castiel's chest.

“Hello, Jack.”

“Hi, Castiel.” 

Castiel waited for an explanation, clearing his throat a few seconds later when one didn't seem forthcoming. 

“May I be of assistance?”

“Yes, actually.” Jack nodded, determination apparent in his expression. 

Castiel nodded, listening intently.

“You see…” Jack lowered his arm, glaring at the floor in thought. “Dean promised that when we got back from a hunt a few weeks ago that he would give me ‘The Talk,’ but he hasn't yet.”

“...The Talk?”

“Yes,” Jack smiled. “The Talk about sex.”

Castiel choked on something he wasn’t quite sure of, lifting up his fist to cough into it. 

“I was hoping you could ask him when a good time was,” Jack said over Castiel’s coughing fit. “I’ve been talking to quite a few girls lately and would like to know how to properly court them into the bedroom.”

“ _Jack,_ ” Castiel said sternly. “You can’t simply… You can’t just sleep with any girl you have a conversation with.”

Jack frowned. “Dean does it all the time.”

“Well _Dean_ is not the best influence when it comes to… things. Like that.” Jack gave him a questioning look, making Castiel sigh and continue. “You are far too young to be having any sort of sexual relations. That’s something you do with… someone you care about.” The words felt kind of redundant coming from his mouth, considering who Castiel was, but he couldn’t tell Jack that. “You spend your _adult_ life spending time with them and getting to know them first.”

Jack raised his eyebrows, nodding in understanding. “Oh. I see. Like you and Sam.”

“No,” Castiel said quickly. “Well, I mean. Yes. I know Sam very well and we do talk a lot, but…”

“So you have sex with him?”

“No!” Castiel shouted, feeling his face go red when a few nearby hunters glanced at him. “No,” he repeated in a much softer voice. “We do not have… No, we don’t. It’s much more complicated than that. I’m not sure… how to explain.”

“This is why I need to talk to Dean!”

Castiel sighed in frustration. “Look, Jack. I’ll go talk to Dean, okay? I’ll ask when a good time for him is.”

Jack smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Castiel.”

“Of course, Jack. Now… no courting until Dean talks with you, alright?”

“No problem. I will strictly talk to women in a professional, yet lighthearted, manner.”

“Okay, Jack.” Castiel watched Jack walk back over to Maggie, sighing to himself. He supposed Dean probably was the guy to talk to Jack about that stuff since apparently Castiel didn’t know what the hell was going on in his own love life right now. 

Startling him out of his thoughts, he felt a firm hand rest on his shoulder. 

As if on cue, there was Sam. He pulled his hand back just as quickly as he had put it there, as though he had rethought the gesture. He awkwardly returned the hand to his side, tightly gripping a bottle in the other.

"Hey, you alright? What was that all about?"

"What?" Castiel blinked. "Oh, uh, you mean with Jack."

"Yeah, you kinda… we heard you from across the room."

"It was nothing of importance." Castiel cursed his inability to not sound like he was constantly quoting directly from the Bible. Even around Sam, he had a hard time conveying any sort of casualness. "How is the party going? Dean seems to be enjoying himself." 

Sam glanced over his shoulder. "Yeah. Pizza, beer, good friends…" He paused and Castiel could feel the expression on Sam's face lightly tug at his heart strings. "I'm kinda worried though."

"About?"

"Dean." Sam sighed. "I mean, yeah, he's happy now and I should be glad but… Michael's still up there and he could come out any day now--any _minute_ now. I don't think Dean will be able to hold him for much longer."

"Dean is a strong man," Castiel softly replied, his voice quiet but stern. 

"But when has that ever mattered? When have things ever worked out for us?" 

"Life is full of… terrible things, Sam. It's always going to be one bad thing after the other, especially for people like hunters." He looked off to the side. "What's important is trying to enjoy the simple things while they last. It's okay to worry, but it's easy to let the bad things consume you, even if they haven't happened yet." He looked back at Sam. "There's nothing we can do, now. We'll cross the Michael bridge when we come to it."

Sam slowly nodded, a gentle smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah. You're right." He pointed a thumb over his shoulder, nodding at where Dean stood. “You want a drink?”

Castiel waited a moment before nodding. “Yes, actually. I have a feeling it is going to be a very long night.” 

Castiel followed Sam over to Dean, who was now talking with a few other hunters. They slipped in and said hi, Dean gladly handing over a cold beer to Cas when he asked. He was pretty quiet at first, mostly just nodding along as he listened to the others talk, but after his second bottle, Castiel started joining in their conversations. 

Everyone mostly just talked at first, sharing crude hunting stories and making fun of each other, but they eventually started up a few drinking games that Castiel mostly just watched curiously. Mary brought out some cards games; Dean was more than willing to teach Castiel how to execute a good poker hustle, much to Sam’s dismay. A younger hunter brought in Cards Against Humanity--nobody laughed more than when Castiel read out incredibly inappropriate cards in that monotone voice of his, looking very confused as to what he was saying. 

Different groups of hunters who were closer to each other were doing different activities--there was beer pong in the corner, more card games at the kitchen table, some older hunters just talking and wandering around. As it got later, and more hunters and their friends stopped by, there were nearly 50 people crowding up the bunker. 

No matter who came by or what they did, Sam stuck by Castiel the entire time. He made sure to never leave his side, ensuring that Castiel was never uncomfortable or bored. Castiel appreciated the gesture, happy to be able to spend so much time with him. His heart would melt every time Sam laughed or smiled in his direction because nothing made Castiel happier than seeing Sam enjoy himself. 

As the hours ticked by, however, Castiel became steadily more anxious. Midnight was rapidly approaching and he was now very aware of just how many people there were around them. 

There was a time when Castiel would have mentioned his feelings the moment he started to feel them, but becoming human and getting so close to the Winchesters has changed Castiel into a whole new person. He was now frustratingly worried about embarrassing himself in front of everyone--about embarrassing himself in front of Sam. 

Castiel, Angel of the Holy Lord, who had fought numerous wars and watched so many of his brothers and sisters die in action, who would once have given up everything at the drop of a dime if Heaven was in danger… why were his hands now shaking at just the thought of simply telling someone something? 

It was pathetic, indeed, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to blame the human instincts that must have stuck around after he lost his grace, but he had a feeling that maybe that was just the Sam Winchester Experience. Sam--and also Dean, to be fair--had an annoying talent of making everyone feel like there was a whole part of this universe they hadn’t yet seen. Even now, the brothers always had a way of teaching Castiel something new nearly every day. 

“Cas?” The way Sam said his name seemed like it wasn’t the first time he had called for him. 

Castiel lifted his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts. “Hm?” They’d just ended the last card game of the night and were standing in the kitchen, refilling their drinks. About 10 other people crowded around, doing the same.

“You alright there?” Sam smirked, lightly nudging Castiel’s side with his elbow. Castiel couldn’t help but feel a little warmer inside at the contact.

“No, I am quite alright.”

Sam nodded over his shoulder. “Well, midnight’s gonna hit pretty soon. Did you wanna watch the ball drop?”

Castiel blinked, slightly furrowing his brows. “Ball?”

“Yeah, it’s just a thing they do on TV. It’s live from… New York? I think. Yeah, Times Square. They count down the seconds to the New Year and drop this big disco ball.”

Castiel could feel a small pit form in his stomach. “And, uh… how soon would this be?”

“In uhhh," he paused, pulling out his phone. "Ten minutes.” 

Softly clenching his fists, Castiel suddenly felt very hot. 

Ten minutes. He had ten minutes to figure out how he was going to do this. 

In retrospect, he should have been thinking about it while the party was going on, but it all went by so fast. 

Ten minutes… shit. 

His brain was a little buzzed at this point due to all of the alcohol, but he would have to fight past that. He needs to do this, and he needs to do it right. 

“Okay, let’s go,” Castiel decided. “Where are we watching this ball drop?”

“We’re just popping it up on my laptop. I think Dean’s getting it right now.”

Taking in a silent breath, Castiel reached out his arm and gently wrapped his fingers around Sam’s wrist. Castiel looked up at him, wary of Sam’s surprised expression. 

“Lead the way,” he said softly. 

Sam paused a moment before nodding. “Uh, yeah. C’mon.” Sam moved slowly, as though Castiel would let go if he moved too fast. He kept his arm behind him so that Castiel could hold on and allow himself to be guided past stray hunters coming into the kitchen for more beer. 

The tips of Castiel’s fingers felt like they might burn through the fabric of Sam’s shirt sleeve. Castiel reveled in the contact, thinking of how soon he might be able to touch more of him. In just ten minutes--now eight minutes and fifty-three seconds--he could be running his hands down Sam’s arms, grazing them up his neck and tangling them into his hair. 

_Eight minutes and fifty-two seconds…_

_Eight minutes and fifty-one seconds…_

Castiel could hardly hear the sounds of everyone talking over his heart pounding in his ears. He could feel every pump of blood through every vein in his body.

He was so close.

Sam eventually stopped behind a crowd that was gathering around one of the library tables. Dean was in the center, typing something into a laptop and trying his best to ignore the shouts of people around him who were trying to make sure he got the stream up in time. 

“Just wait a sec, I got it!” Dean waved dismissively at the crowd. 

Sam laughed when Bobby tried to assist Dean, only to have his hand slapped away. 

“Don’ touch me, boy! Let me do it.”

“I got it!”

“You closed the window!”

“It was buffering! I’m reloading it.”

“Dean--”

“Aha!” Dean smiled triumphantly, dramatically raising his finger in the air before slamming it down on the space key. “Got it,” he sang. He flipped the laptop around to face everyone, turning up the volume to play the noise of thousands of people cheering from Times Square.

Sam had little trouble peering over the people in front of him to see the screen, but Castiel would’ve had to stand on the tips of his toes. That is, he would if he had wanted to look at the screen. Right now, his attention was solely on watching Sam. His eyes trailed over the line of his jaw and up to his hair, and Castiel could feel his palms start to sweat. 

_Five minutes and thirty-eight seconds…_

_Five minutes and thirty-seven seconds…_

Sam’s head flicked to the side, but he turned away just as quickly when he was met with Castiel peering up at him. Just when Castiel started to open his mouth to say something, he kept quiet when Sam started to move his hand. He kept his eyes forward, but Sam slipped his wrist out of Castiel’s grip for just enough time to slide up his fingers and intertwine them with Castiel’s. 

Everything went quiet. 

Castiel could’ve swore that every molecule, every atom in the universe had stopped at that moment. 

He gently squeezed his hand back and watched as Sam swallowed, purposefully keeping his eyes glued in front of him. Castiel looked back forward, sliding a bit to the side so that their shoulders touched. Both of them anxiously eyed the crowd, but it didn’t seem like anyone noticed. They just stood there for a few minutes, counting down the seconds. 

_Two minutes and three seconds…_

_Two minutes and one second…_

Not able to gather up the courage to speak, Castiel simply lifted his free hand, gently resting his fingers on Sam’s shoulder. He slowly slid it down his arm, noticeably trembling. It was enough contact that Sam had to look over at him--had to look down into Castiel’s eyes and acknowledge what was happening. 

Castiel wet his lips, his fingers tightening around Sam’s as he looked up into his beautiful, golden-speckled, hazel eyes. 

“Sam, I--”

“One minute!” Dean yelled, causing a cheer to erupt across the crowd of people. Everyone started to count down from sixty, a few hunters taking a celebratory drink of beer. Castiel hesitated a bit too long, waiting until the last few seconds to finally speak up again. 

_Ten!_

“Sam?”

_Nine!_

“Uhm…” Sam cleared his throat, flicking his head to the side to move some hair out of his face. “Yeah? Cas?”

_Eight!_

Castiel reached up and slid his hand under the strand of Sam’s hair, tucking it behind his ear.

_Seven!_

He trailed his touch down the side of his cheek and neck before resting it back on his shoulder. 

_Six!_

There were so many things Castiel wanted to say, but he didn’t find any words surfacing. His throat felt chalky and dry, his mind drawing a blank.

_Five!_

Sam looked down at him with a nervous expression. Castiel loved the way Sam’s eyes flickered wildly across the room when he got anxious. 

_Four!_

Castiel opened his mouth, but still nothing came.

_Three!_

Say something. Say _anything_ , but Castiel, please just fucking say something.

_Two!_

You can’t mess this up. You can’t.

_Happy New Year!_

Everyone around them started to cheer, the people sitting down at the table all standing up to hug the closest person, or at least give them an excited punch to the arm. 

Castiel could feel his whole body deflate. 

“Happy New Year, Sam,” he mumbled, his eyes dropping to the floor. 

“Uhm. Uh.” Sam gulped, something changing in his demeanor. “H-Happy New Year…. Cas.”

Suddenly Dean came up behind Sam, bashing himself into his brother’s back.

The world went quiet again as Castiel watched Sam be ripped from his arms, pulled into Dean’s embrace. A few other hunters joined in, forming a small little pile that threatened to nearly fall over. Sam glanced back at Cas, but ultimately allowed himself to get swept into the group hug. 

...He missed it. His chance. Just like that.

\------------------------------

Less than half an hour later, everyone made their way home. It had been a long, tiring   
night, and each and every one of them were ready to fall into bed and sleep well into the afternoon. 

Castiel made sure that he didn’t bump into Sam again after their departure. He wouldn’t know what to say to him. Rather than find out, he immediately retreated back to the vacant guest room, ripping off Sam’s clothes in frustration. 

He can’t believe he did that. He let his one chance slip right through his fingers, and for what? He was nervous? Sam was right there. It would’ve been so easy--too easy. 

Drunkenly stripping himself, he pulled on some of his own clothes, not bothering to do more than two of the buttons on his button up or properly put a belt around his waist. He plopped himself down on the bed, slightly sad he was no longer able to sleep his feelings off like he had when he was human.

Closing his eyes, he leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. He carelessly ruffled his hair, threading his fingers through the strands and using his thumbs to press into his temples. 

He didn’t have the first clue of how he was going to fix this. All he could do was hope that Sam would be too drunk to remember anything. 

\------------------------------

Groaning and rubbing his hands over his face, Sam plopped himself down on one of the library chairs. “Holy shit, my head is pounding.” 

“That means it was a good party.” Dean smirked at Sam’s glare. “Hey, you’re the lucky one here. I only got a light buzz.” Dean patted his brother on the back as he walked behind him, moving to lean against the table. 

Sam sighed. “Yeah,” he said reluctantly. “It was a pretty good party.”

“Cas had a good time, that’s for sure.” Dean laughed. “Dude was feelin’ you up by the end of the night.” 

Sam scrunched up his nose. “You noticed too, huh?”

“Hey, can you blame him? With that hair, sometimes I think you’re a chick too.”

“I-I don’t know.” Sam scratched the back of his head, looking off to the side. “The whole thing was… weird.”

“Eh, you’ll forget the whole thing in the morning. M’sure he will too.”

There was a beat of silence before Sam cleared his throat. “Uh, Dean?”

“Yeah?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but ended up simply shaking his head. “...Nevermind.” He stood up, bringing his arms above his head to stretch out his back. “I’m heading in for the night.” When he didn’t hear a reply, he glanced back over to Dean, who wore a less-than-impressed expression. “What?”

“I should be the one asking you. What’s up?”

Sam let out a quick breath. “Whaddya mean?”

“This isn’t about Michael, is it?”

“Uh, n-no, Dean it’s--”

“Is there something I should know?”

“No, there’s nothing.”

“Sammy.”

“It’s not world-ending stuff, okay?” Sam rolled his shoulders, his eyes trailing over the ceiling. “That’s all you need to know.”

“I got an archangel in my head, dude. Not really a good time to be keeping secrets.”

“I know, I know. It’s nothing--I promise it’s okay. I’m-I’m tired, and I’m drunk. I need to sleep.”

After a moment, Dean gave a quick nod. “Okay. Fine. Sleep well, alright? I don’t wanna see you up before noon.”

“Well, I just got back on a schedu--”

“ _Noon,_ Sam.”

Sam smiled. “Okay, fair.” With one last sigh, he started off to his room. “Night, jerk.”

“Night, bitch.” 

Making his way toward his room, Sam made sure to peer down each hallway first to see if Cas was standing around anywhere. The guy had a habit of showing up when Sam least expected it.

Just when his room was in sight, Sam paused in front of one of the doors. He looked over to see it ajar, dim light seeping through the crack. It was one of the empty guest rooms; despite all of the hunters coming in and out, this bunker was still big enough to have some vacant areas. 

He guessed that Castiel was in there. 

Sam found himself standing there for quite some time, slowly inching closer and listening carefully for any movement inside. 

He always knew that Castiel had very little understanding of personal space, but something back there was different. Everything about it seemed almost familiar, and Sam didn’t know why, but holding Castiel’s hand seemed like the natural thing to do. The way Castiel squeezed his hand back, and stepped closer, and looked up into his eyes, it was…

Well, of course it was familiar. Sam had seen that same look on so many girls over the years. 

Like that, something clicked in the back of Sam’s mind. 

Castiel acting shy around him, always staring at him, listening intently when he talks, following him around, always getting up close in his personal space… All of the signs were there, clear as day. Sam had just never seen them on a man before. Thinking back now, it was almost painfully obvious. 

Sam’s heart pounded against his ribcage as he stepped forward and leaned his head against the doorframe.

He’d never thought about Castiel like that before, and he sure as hell didn’t think Castiel thought of him like that. Sam’s relationships tended to be short and sweet, and the thought of having something more with someone so close was… 

It was nice.

\------------------------------

“...Cas?”

Castiel’s head shot up at the sound of Sam’s voice. He immediately sat up straight, quickly starting to button up the rest of his shirt. 

“Sam?” He called back.

Castiel watched the door slowly open, and a few seconds later, Sam’s head peak around it. 

“Hi. Uh, can I…?”

“...Come in?” Castiel asked. 

“Yeah. That.”

“Y-Yes.” He placed his hands in his lap, intently keeping his eyes on Sam as he walked in and closed the door quietly behind him. 

A long silence stretched out between them, so thick that Castiel nearly felt like he was drowning in it. 

Sam was the first one to speak. “Can we, uh…” He nervously cleared his throat, his eyes meeting Castiel’s. His voice was so soft that Castiel nearly had to strain to hear it. “Can we… p-pick up? Where we… where we left off?”

Castiel seemed slightly confused by the question. “And, uh…” His voice felt rough against his throat, it was so dry. “Where was that?”

Rather than directly answer, Sam took small, careful steps toward where Castiel sat. 

Castiel took notice of Sam’s flushed face and fidgeting hands and wasn’t sure what to make of it. He was so busy looking him over and trying to decipher his actions that Castiel hardly noticed when Sam held out his hand. He slowly looked down at the gesture, still unsure of what to do. 

When Castel didn’t move, Sam shakily reached down and grabbed Castiel’s hand himself, pulling the angel to his feet. He kept hold of his hand, intertwining their fingers. Sam took one last step forward so as their feet nearly touched at the toes, and brought his other hand to rest on Castiel’s shoulder. 

“...R-Right here,” Sam mumbled. 

Castiel could feel his own face start to heat up. “Oh. Right."

"We were here, like this, and…" Sam took in a deep breath. "What were you gonna do next?"

Castiel pursed his lips, his eyes nervously flickering around Sam's face. "I… I'm not entirely sure you'll like the answer," he said honestly.

"Tell me," Sam gently pleaded. 

"Sam, I can’t--"

“I’m scared too, Cas,” Sam interrupted, his voice slightly wavering. “I’m… I just need to know that we’re on the same page.”

“I…” Castiel took in one last deep breath. There wasn't really any use hiding it anymore, was there? “Sam, I was going to kiss you. I apologize if my advances made you uncomfortable. It was completely inappropriate of me to try to…” Cas trailed off as Sam slowly brought up his hands, cupping them around the sides of Castiel’s face. “...to try and…”

“Cas.” Sam smiled the softest, most genuine smile that nearly made Castiel’s heart burst right out of his chest. “It’s okay.”

Castiel could feel his breath catch in his lungs as Sam slowly leaned down. He closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh before softly pressing his lips against Castiel’s. 

Castiel tightly shut his eyes, bringing up his own hands to rest them near the back of Sam's neck.

The human part of him tasted the salt of his skin and felt the roughness of his stubble, but the angel part of Castiel took in and analyzed every atom throughout Sam's body. He'd always had a keen sense of what people were feeling, being able to tell if they were saying the truth or if their words matched how they actually felt, but this was different. He had no idea that simply locking lips with someone could open a whole new gateway into their being.

Castiel felt a rush of love and acceptance flow through his veins, and then there was suddenly no question of whether Sam felt the same way. He did. 

The feeling surprised Castiel into a gasp as he pulled away. As soon as his lips left Sam's, the feeling quickly fled as well.

Sam looked down at Castiel with wild, worried eyes. "Cas?" He asked softly. "That was okay, right? That-That was the page we were on?"

"Sam." His voice came out a strangled whisper, his hands carefully running down the length of Sam's spine. "If you will permit me, I wish to cherish every part of you."

Swallowing, Sam looked slightly bewildered. "...Wh-What exactly does that… mean?"

"It's means…" Castiel let out a soft breath, placing a hand on the side of Sam's neck. "It means that, Sam, I want to kiss you again. And then kiss you everywhere else. I-I want to touch every last inch of your body and get to know yours as well as my own. I've never wanted anything else."

Sam's jaw hung slack. "Wow. Uh, wow, okay uh… yeah." 

"May I?"

"Of course." 

Every shift of Castiel’s hand against the fabric of Sam’s shirt sent an itchy electricity through his fingertips. After realising that they had both wanted this, Castiel could feel himself start to grow impatient. They’d have to start making up for so much lost time; time that could’ve already been put to use if only Castiel had spoken up sooner. At the same time, however, Castiel was still nervous. After pushing down these feelings for so long, having Sam right in front of him seemed a little too good to be true. 

After a few moments of silence, Castiel looked up to see Sam wearing a strained expression. He looked just as nervous, his fingers slightly digging into Castiel’s shoulder. He could feel the appendages softly twitch, like Sam wasn’t sure if he should make the first move. 

Castiel didn’t have to be nervous anymore. This was right. 

Letting his shoulders relax, Castiel leaned up and softly pressed a kiss against Sam’s cheek. Sam seemed surprised at the innocence of the gesture but before he could react, Castiel planted another kiss just along his jawline, trailing a hand up Sam’s neck before burying it in his hair. He grabbed a handful of the strands and tilted back Sam’s head, pressing their bodies a little closer together. 

Sam let out a small, startled noise from the back of his throat, tightly gripping onto Castiel’s waist for balance as he started to press a line of chaste pecks along the side of Sam’s neck. Castiel took the pleased sounds Sam made as an invitation to deepen the kisses, sucking almost calculated patterns along the bottom of his jaw and the edges of his adam’s apple. 

Another throaty sound emitted from Sam as he took in each of the kisses, stepping forward to press his waist flush against Castiel’s.

Suddenly, Castiel was _very_ impatient.

Castiel started to walk forward, guiding Sam so his back was against a nearby wall. He let out a quick breath when his back made contact, but the sigh devolved into something more like a whimper when Castiel continued to kiss around Sam’s collarbone, slowly grinding against him.

Sam was a giant, towering a good few inches over every single person in the bunker, but he politely (and also maybe a bit self-indulgently) allowed Castiel to take the lead. Sam allowed himself to be lead away from the wall and towards the bed, falling back on the mattress with a quick sigh. Castiel started to move on top of him, but paused.

Sam waited a few moments before awkwardly sitting up on his elbows and looking at Cas through his hair. "Hey, uh… look, we don't need to do anything you don't want to. I-I'm fine if you wanna taking things--"

"No, it's not that," Castiel interrupted. "It's simply, that…" He tilted his head in thought. "I've never… been with a man. I'm already just scratching the surface of my knowledge of women, I'm not sure I exactly know how to proceed."

Sam laughed, slightly blushing. "Uh… yeah. I know everything there is to know about women, but… never been with a guy."

Cas nodded, a small smirk settling on his face. "I suppose it's nice to be on even ground."

Sam smiled that big old toothy smile of his. "Yeah. We'll figure it out, t-together."

Castiel’s had sex before, that much is true. He wasn’t as much of a stranger to intimacy as people seemed to think, but he can’t say that he’s ever made love.

The phrase itself was incredibly cheesy and before now Castiel wouldn’t have thought there to be a difference between the two, but there now so clearly was. He knew that he cared more for Sam than anyone he’d ever been with, but he assumed that sex was kind of just sex; that what he experienced with April was the universal feeling of intercourse. 

Sex with Sam, however, felt so completely different. 

He was so soft and patient, trailing loving touches down Castiel’s sides and whispering quiet words of praise into his skin. Removing their clothes and pressing their bodies together came so naturally that Castiel had to wonder why he ever stopped this from happening in the first place.

Castiel made good on his promise, making sure to kiss every last inch of Sam's body. He made sure to take in and memorize everything from Sam's beautiful eyes down to his ankles. In between all of that, Sam was careful to give Castiel just as much attention.

It was beautiful. Sharing something as wonderful as this was someone as amazing as Sam was better than anything Castiel could've ever hoped for. 

He came with Sam's gorgeous chestnut hair covering his eyes. 

\------------------------------

“Sammy?” The voice came muffled through the door, waking Sam from his half-slumber. He could hear his bedroom door close from across the hall where Dean was no doubt searching for him. 

Castiel made a soft noise, slightly stirring. Sam swore to himself, lifting up the covers to rest over Castiel’s head. 

“I told your ass not to be up before noon!” Something twisted in Sam’s gut as he heard his brother searching each of the rooms. He wasn’t exactly sure what would happen if Dean found them that made him so nervous, but he didn’t want to find out. Just as he started to lift the covers off of himself to come up with a plan, the door to their bedroom slammed open. 

“Sam, did you--! Jesus, there you are.” Dean looked around the room with a raised eyebrow. “The hell you doin’ in here? I thought you left.”

“I just, uh--” Sam nervously cleared his throat, rubbing his eyes. “I must’ve got lost last night--stumbled into the wrong room.” 

“Hm. Well, ‘least you slept in. I’m headin’ out for breakfast, you want anything?” 

“No, I’m-I’m good.” 

Dean nodded, starting to back out of the room. Relief flooded through Sam, but he let himself relax too soon. 

“If it’s not too much trouble, I would like breakfast.” 

Dean gave a puzzled look at the voice that came muffled through the sheets.

“Goddamn it,” Sam breathed, letting his head fall back on his pillow. Not a moment later, a crazy-haired Cas popped his head out from under the covers. 

“Where are you going?” Castiel’s voice was extra rough from a long night of sleep. Usually he can’t sleep as an angel, but a night with Sam must have brought him just close enough to humanity to be able to get through the night without waking. 

Dean gave a long pause. “...Uh. Yeah, uh. I was just thinkin’ the diner--hey, _what the fuck?_ ” 

“It’s……. not what it looks like?” Sam shrugged with a half-hearted smile. Castiel frowned in confusion. 

“Y’know Sam," Dean sighed, "I didn’t think a situation existed where you would get laid and I’d be anything but proud, but leave it to you to blow that out of the water. And Cas?” He made a face. “Yeah, that’s cool for you I guess, but… gross.”

“Oh, c’mon Dean--”

“Nah, y’know? Whatever.” Dean waved a hand dismissively at them. “You two lovebirds have at whatever weird shit you’re getting up to. I guess an angel’s better than a demon.” He shook his head, pretending to gag. “Yeah, okay, I don’t want to think about this for another goddamn second. What did you want, Cas?”

“Waffles. With a lot of berries.”

“Sam?”

“...I’m good.”

“Awesome.” Dean strained a smile. “It might take a minute because I need to stop for some _bleach for my eyes_ , but yeah. I’ll do that.”

“I wouldn’t recommend--” Dean held up a hand, cutting Castiel off short. 

“Metaphorically, Cas. Though at this point, maybe literally." Dean shook his head, turning around and closing the door behind him.

Castiel continued to frown at the door, but Sam couldn't help but laugh. 

"Is he not satisfied with our arrangement?" Castiel asked.

"You could say that." Sam scratched the back of his head. "I'd, uh, rather have had a talk with him but… he'll be fine." He paused. "Uhm. What exactly… is our arrangement?"

Castiel turned to look at Sam, slightly tilted his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"Like… is this. A thing? That we can do now?"

"I should hope so." Cas smiled. "If you would permit it."

"Yeah." Sam smiled back, hiding his face behind his hair. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Then, as Dean would say--" Castiel leaned up, pressing a soft kiss just below Sam's ear. "Awesome."


End file.
